Dear diary, Why am I not excited to go home? Going home means more terror and misery. There is no one for me to account to. Except for myself. Cause nobody knows. The burden and pain I went through. Even my travel partner doesn't know. How badly I want to hug any stranger on the road. And hopefully, he hugs me back and tell me it's okay. I know it won't come true. I don't know what I want any more. I used to be so sure. After this incident, the road ahead looks blur. I used to feel lost, but I least I have you with me. I feel comforted somehow even though the future looks bleak. Now, I don't even have you. I just live my life like a living zombie. Deep inside, I'm so empty. I can't explain how I feel inside. So much has happened. I don't know who to tell. Why can't I still have you? Why did god take you away? My life could have been better with you? I don't know. But now it's much worse. What people see on the surface. Is nothing like what it feels inside. Seriously, everyday, I wished I didn't wake up. Who can I rely on now? Ifeelsomiserable.