SeXy...NaUgHtY...bItChY...mE...

time flies-things happen

2010-09-19T01:08:00.005+08:00

time flies really fast.
since the last update in may..
not its already mid-sept..
life has been so great these few months.
alot of good things happened.
even r/s is bloossoming real well.
i just felt so much bliss in my life right now.
more than any other times in my life.
some bad things happen but ultimately,
it leads to something good, does'nt it?
despite all these..
i have come to realize..
that i only find extra time to blog..
when i am sad..
which is not good.
cause when i look back at my entries..
i only see bad memories.
haiz.
but i really cant help it.
i want to jot my feelings down.
cause i cant find ppl to talk to.
its so distressing to keep everything to myself.
its so like me.
to be the one to listen to ppl's sorrow and woes.
but keep mine to myself.
and appear happy and full of life.
when in fact sometimes.
im burning inside with sadness, fear and uncertainty.
why is it in me that i live this way?
why cant i change no matter how hard i try.
i try not to put stress into other ppl..
but in the end, i cause stress to myself.
at times, i just dont know what to do/reply.
when the words that came out was so shocking to my ears.
i guess all i need now is a hug.
a warm and friendly hug.
with no hostility.
im so afraid.
i feel so tiny suddenly.
so vunerable.
like if i were to move an inch.
someone would just squash me flat.
i dont know where to turn.
who to look for.
when the person who i want to look for the most.
is probably feeling the same way like i am.
or even worse.
i just wish to fly off to somewhere no one can find me.
and hide.
if living a life is such a hassle.
with so many things to consider.
so many feelings to take care of.
i rather live a silent, peaceful life.
right.
i have to be positive about life.
i have just tamed myself to feel positive about everything.
even now, when i feel sick to my bones to go to school after work.
or to start on my revision.
or feel so f(*&%ed up that i have to live my life this way.
i always find a reason to be happy with what i have now.
really!
its so much of a difference.
yet..
such change is only *trivial.
haix.
still.
if good things were to happen to me.
it will be the first i would jot down.
so this journal will be full of life!
i would just turn to someone next to me for a nice hug.
at these times, you are just so desperate for comfort.
for someone to tell you that everything's fine.
and its going to be alright.
i shall find that comfort in me..
alright, im gg back to studying.

til next tym~adios!

so much has happen..

2010-05-23T09:15:00.002+08:00

so much has happened since the last update.
its the same always.
happy and sad moments.
I am currently studying for exams.
yeap..
exam period.
i find it weird.
every time i am about to take my exams.
a few days before.
problem starts coming.
making me deviate my attention away from studies.
its bad enough that this year i am only taking 2 modules.
since i did not study well enough to go for all 4 papers.
i have hence decided to study for the other 2 modules.
during the exam break.
to add on..
sadly..
after one problem has been solved.
another arise.
i dont know why i just had the urge to on the other notebook.
as i was lazy to use imac.
and to my horror.
something bad awaits me.
so all this while.
the bad temper, the irritated feeling due to my constant spending.
the advices just disappeared to ashes.
right when i saw what was on the mailbox.
i feel kinda disappointed when i saw it.
of course i expect an explanation.
but all i get was silence.
and i know what it means.
guilt.
its really true what people say.
before you have the right to say someone,
its better to make yourself a good example.
I am utterly disappointed that i did not get a reply.
I am done.

til next tym~adios!

What a weird feeling..

2009-10-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

I'm tearing now.
I don't know why.
Things are going great.
Just that I'm Abit stressed up with school.
Okay maybe alot.
Sometimes u get too stressed till u want to speak to noone.
Like noone can ease your burden no matter how much they talk sense to u.
Even the smallest thing piss you off.
Like maybe u don't get attention from your loved ones.
Boyfriend or friends or even parents.
It sucks to feel this way cause u know u don't want to affect other ppl.
But u just can't help it.
I always try to brighten up my mood for ppl.
So they don't feel uncomfy.
In a way it's good cause u don't entertain your feelings.
In another view it's bad cause I'm just surpressing my feelings.
It might come back one day.
I don't want to affect others therefore I'm choosing to isolate.
Just for awhile to have some space from ppl who might just judge u.
I really need a break.
Like a holiday or something to make myself happier.
Haix I will try to cheer up tmr.

Til next tym~adios!

=(

2009-09-29T21:43:00.002+08:00

ive upset someone.
and i feel bad.
cause the whole thing happened.
so fast!
i cant even rem.
how it happened.
but one thing for sure.
its my own stupidity.
but i dont know why she is so angry.
i really like her.
and i mean it.
she is soo nice!
and helpful.
towards me..
she has helped me alot recently.
and i cant thank her enough.
but haix.
now she is angry.
and its over something i didnt do to her.
but someone else did to me.
she did it out of care for me.
but she is ignoring me now.
and i feel weird.
i feel the pinch.
i dont know why im sorry.
i dont know anymore.
its just sad.
i feel like i lost something.
come back pleasee.
i know im an asshole.
however anyone tells me not to be too nice.
must stand up for my rights.
i still failed.
trust me ive tried a ZILLION TIMES!
and im back to square one.
you are not the first who tried to change me.
i know u dont want ppl to step all over my head.
and i appreciate all you've done.
but like i mentioned to everyone else.
i will try..
i do make an effort.
last time i just ended up smiling.
at least now i made a few comments.
its a big improvement to my character!
really!
dont be disappointed please.
haix.
i wish i know what you are thinking.
its been bothering me the whole day.
at work and at school.
=(
i feel restless.
and unhappy.

til next tym~adios!

gloomy

2009-09-26T23:00:00.002+08:00

everythings been good lately.
a good day is coming.
time to relax.
=)

sometimes happiness dont last.
there is bound to be something to make it gloomy and dark.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/72/mixed_feelings..

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/73/teeheehee

after this entry.. my feelings too a great turn!
feeling elated now.
=))

til next tym~adios!

been longg.

2009-09-10T13:49:00.002+08:00

been so long..
i wanted to see what are the changes.
in these few months.
or rather 2 months.
instead of blogging sad stuff every other day.
well.
true enough.
i AM happier now!
things took a great turn.
im happy as it is now.
not asking for more.
hence fate cant give me lesser than now!
=))
someone's sad now..
it hurts to see him cry.
and all stressed up!
but its all turning for the better.
started to cheer up already.
=))
jiayou!
FIGHTING!!

P.S. i miss meinu.

til next tym~adios!

Scared

2009-07-05T05:46:00.002+08:00

I had a tough time sleeping.
Even at 2am I think I was still tossing around.
I wondered what time I fell asleep.
It must have been a short while.
At 540am sharp, my eyes opened wide.
I was wide awake.
Which is weird as I'm always lazy to wake up.
I was awaken by some sounds outside my room.
My head starts to wonder strange things.
Now, I'm scared.
The room light adjacent to my room.
Seems to be switched on now.
Oh dear I'm scared I might pee now!
I set my alarm at 6am.
But I'm awake now.
What's wrong?
Tsk!
Be brave..
I'm going to take alook now..

til next tym~adios!

Yawn

2009-07-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

I know I have to sleep early tonight.
I promised someone I would.
But i've been tossing and turning.
It's 11.45pm now.
My mind is wondering elsewhere.
How can I get to sleep?
And oh..
I'm hungry. .
Very hungry.
Get to sleep.

http://multiply.com/m/item/musicfreaktboney:journal:66

til next tym~adios!

Happy!

2009-07-04T22:25:00.002+08:00

I'm happy for once.
Right this moment..
And I hope it stays till tomorrow.
Only god knows why.
=))

http://multiply.com/m/item/musicfreaktboney:journal:65

til next tym~adios!

2009-07-03T12:22:00.002+08:00

im tired.
seriously.
of falling down.
why do i keep falling down.
despite.
the efforts ive put in.
i can say confidently.
i have put in tonnes and tonnes of effort.
and i can say confidently.
that that one thing can crush me instantly.
and i would fall down crashing even worse then before.
and.
i hate that.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/64/falling_down_again.

til next tym~adios!

miss!

2009-07-02T13:20:00.000+08:00

miss miss miss!
its just too bad.
haix.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/63/hmmm.

til next tym~adios!

2009-07-01T10:49:00.001+08:00

its hard..

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/62/going_nuts.

til next tym~adios!

2009-06-30T14:09:00.000+08:00

how can it hurt so bad?

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/61/how

til next tym~adios!

2009-06-29T13:01:00.003+08:00

how can one love and hate.
at the same time?
how can u be so perfect in my eyes.
but in reality u are not.
how can u appear generous and benevolent to me.
when in reality u are cruel and self-centered.
love can do wonders.
haix.
suffering from my own mistake.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/60/hate_it.

til next tym~adios!

Heavy...

2009-06-21T01:03:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep.
I'm so tired.
Why?
Go to sleep nura.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Smile and close your eyes.
Wake up happy tomorrow.
=)

http://multiply.com/m/factory/musicfreaktboney:journal#_%2Fm%2Fitem%2Fmusicfreaktboney%3Ajournal%3A59

til next tym~adiós! w

irritated, pissed?

2009-06-19T13:00:00.002+08:00

sometimes.
when people think too highly.
of you.
they think.
you are some kind of.
a superwomen.
and when they think that.
but u are not.
then you are in deep shit.
i freaking irritated.
at how they think im superwomen.
and im tired.
being "that" isnt a good deal.
im sooo tired...
i need a reall breakkk.
sometimes.
i wish i had someone to talk.
and listen to me.
like.
hmmm.
i dont have to call.
and say.
hey im having problems.
they they will listen.
kind of a telepathy.
just call me when they feel.
like im in some kind of trouble.
i used to have that.
i think i lost it.
somehow.
sobs.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/58/confused.

til next tym~adios!

..

2009-06-17T13:52:00.001+08:00

shocked.
sad.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/56/haix

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/57/sobs..

til next tym~adios!

bitter

2009-06-13T19:43:00.002+08:00

im feeling bitter.
sorry i didnt pick it up.
i hope u are okay.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/55/

til next tym~adios!

puzzled.

2009-06-12T13:50:00.002+08:00

im getting over it.
i mean really.
but..
he did it again.
and im suffocating with anger..
and confusion!

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/54/ahhhhh

til next tym~adios!

over it.

2009-06-11T13:57:00.002+08:00

im over it.
full stop.
no commas nothing.
actually im glad.
that i finally can breathe.
i mean all this while.
ive been choking.
just for the fact.
i cant get over it.
somehow.
those hurtful words.
really got into me.
and i kinda think.
i deserve better.
no one is at fault.
but people always tell me.
i deserve better.
and now.
i agree.
hahaz.
i dont need some.
selfish person.
to tell me this and that.
so yeap!
glad that its finally over.
now i dont have to think of it.
not now not ever.
and my life re-starts right this moment.
=))
im really optimistic about life ahead.
i just cleared up the air.
with one really good friend.
or used to be.
and oh wells.
she said she wants to be my match-maker.
=_='''
okay i take your sincere help okays?
lol.
probably.
what i need now is some fun.
hahaz.
yes.
things change.
now hopefully for the better!
whee!
im so happy now i can escape sadness.
and depression!
no more swollen eyes.
hehez.
i know i know.
im not sensible.
all these while.
but at least i woke up from my dream right.
btw.
i was shocked.
he said.. i want u.
=X
although its a joke but.
=_='''
what a thing to say!!
haha!
i feel fresh now.
from the bottom of my heart!
=))
and fifi & adik is having.
chicken pox.
awww.
get well soon.
i remembered how sad i was.
when i got that.
i thought i was going to get disfigured.
hahaz.
anws.
back to work!

til next tym~adios!

2009-06-10T14:14:00.002+08:00

at least ive learned something.
that is.
to keep my feelings to myself.
i always knew.
its not too good.
to expose your feelings.
my heart is definately shattered.
now.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/53/shattered_heart.._thanks_to_you.

i suddenly remembered something.
1 or 2 years back.
we were all at downtown east.
and i was so excited when.
akon was there.
and u were angry.
or rather jealous.
haha.
how sweet.
that is really cute.
miss those times.
hmm.
okay wake up time.
its just nice to think.
how innocent.
and how happy we were during the.
younger days.
nothing to think of.
=)

til next tym~adios!

upset.

2009-06-05T19:07:00.002+08:00

argh.
im so angry now.
pissed.
and importantly.
sad.
i was lost for words.
how could he treat me like that?
why must he be so ignorant??
why must he pretend not to know?
but in actual fact he knows everything.
must he push me to this corner??
i hate him.
for making me seem.
as if i have no choice.
but to beg him.
its so tiring.
going to and fro.
really hate u to the core can?
hate hate hate!!!!
go and jump off the window and just die can??
it will save me loads of trouble.
argh!

til next tym~adios!

2009-06-03T12:47:00.002+08:00

yest was kinda tiring.
but fun.
love the meetup yest.
so much fun.
and so much food.
=X
=))
happy happy.

when im back home.
everything starts again.
but at least im better now.
=))
way to go!
where is my bestie?

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/52/what_do_i_think_of_it

til next tym~adios!

i wonder.. do dreams come true?

2009-06-01T13:16:00.002+08:00

i had the weirdest dream.
yesterday.
i hope it doesnt come true.
but one confusing part was.
i was to blame for the whole incident.
but at least something happy yesterday.
i was woken up by a message.
in the middle of the night.
or rather morning.
about close to 2am.
it was someone i never expected.
and the message.
was somewhat.
how i wanted it to be!
i have been yearning for that message.
it was reallyyyy sweeeetttt.
this person really means alot to me.
although we havent talked in a long while.
i dont know why.
but i do miss u.
really.
im really glad i received that.
lengthy & super sweeeeeett message!!
i kinda love u!
hehez.
muacks!
see ya soon!!

til next tym~adios!

lifted.

2009-05-31T12:23:00.002+08:00

yesterday.
was like any normal day.
i broke down again.
this time worst.
but somehow.
the breaking down this time.
made me stronger.
i realised to love is not to possess.
i learnt to let go.
slowly.
soon enough.
i will let go fully.
only then i will no longer suffer.
i used to think my life is miserable.
in fact i think its a new beginning for me.
i might meet someone who can heal my pain.
eventually.
someone who can be with me.
no matter how tough the obstacle can be.
in the future.
when the love is strong enough.
i always believed.
nothing can shake a relationship.
if the love is strong.
i guess mine is still too young.
i never asked to fall in love with a chinese.
i never asked for this ending.
guess its predestined.
but looking back.
i would still go into this relationship.
if i was given another chance.
despite the pain.
i would only change it to be stronger.
if in future.
i still fall in love with a chinese.
i still wouldnt hold back.
we only live once.
i must know.
these feelings cant be controlled.
its there.
no matter how hard i try to deny.
now that its better.
and im getting the hang of it.
i will try my best to forget everything.
its the only way out.
phew.
a big relief off my back.
now i can concentrate on my new life.
which i should have started.
on 27oct last year.
whenever i decide to start a new life.
he never fail to stop me.
but when its him.
i never fail to fail to stop him from stopping me.
i never knew why.
but oh wells.
its over.
the pain has subsided.
im glad.
new life way to go!!!

til next tym~adios!

2009-05-29T10:18:00.003+08:00

feeling less sore now.
I hope it would get better.
and oh.
I finally replied that someone.
after so long.
he said he was happy I replied.
and somehow.
I felt happy too.
when I saw his reply.
somehow.
things start to feel.
like 1 year ago.
Im glad it seems okay now.
=))

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/50/it_is_over_the_pain..

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/51/our_conversation_agains..

til next tym~adios!

2009-05-28T12:53:00.001+08:00

is religion really a barrier.
between 2 people.
who are so deeply in love?
why is it that other people are trying so hard.
and we are just giving up?
is the love undying?
its so funny.
a relationship full of love.
happiness, joy, laughter.
is separated by religion.
and also by the fact.
we arent trying enough.
is it true people say.
if your love is strong enough.
nothing can stop u.
someone said.
im still young, there is more to come.
why does my heart says no?
am I thinking too much?
but I spend most of my time.
talking to this person.
who I don’t know why.
but is really nice to me.
although we just got to know each other.
and most of the times.
I really felt better.
just like this morning.
I woke up with a heavy heart.
physically I mean.
I thought I was going to faint.
I still went to work.
at 9.00 am.
my concentration was nowhere.
I was staring into the computer.
only when I heard someone walk.
I would wake up and start.
trying to work.
it’s a chore.
and then tears dropped.
I was bent on getting off work.
and go to his place.
I just needed to see him.
although we already know the outcome.
I need a hug badly.
I need a hug and a shoulder to cry my hearts out.
I don’t have that.
so it hurts real bad.
I was thinking of reasons to give.
but suddenly he came talking to me.
and then I felt better.
not instantly.
but at least.
after awhile.
even my beloved meinu.
was there.
I love her loads.
I don’t know why.
she seems to be appearing in my life.
caring for me.
even more then my best friends.
then she said some nice words to me.
I felt better.
at ease.
and I clicked his name on msn.
wanting to type something.
I know that if I went to find him.
or I messaged him.
I would want my hopes up.
so I stopped myself.
everyone is selfish huh?
I was trying to be selfless all this while.
in the end.
I gained nothing.
I don’t know to laugh at myself.
or be sad.
at this ending.
cause so many people tell me.
that its never going to end good.
but I never listened.
people say follow your heart and u get hurt.
its true.
and I got a message from an old friend.
someone I have been avoiding for far too long.
im not really avoiding.
probably he doesn’t know what happen.
and I blame myself for being childish.
I don’t know what to say to him.
to make him feel better.
all of this is coming at the same time.
I wish to explain.
but I don’t know where to start.
as im so lost now.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/48

til next tym~adios!

missing..

2009-05-27T15:38:00.000+08:00

missing is a bad thing.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/47/haix.

til next tym~adios!

getting better at it.

2009-05-27T10:44:00.000+08:00

I didn’t shed a tear yesterday.
yay.
but why do I wake up with swollen eyes?
it is possible that human's cry in their sleep?
do I deserve a slap for that?
hmm.
wells.
I think ive got to take it in my stride.
no matter what.
I don’t want to let u down.
cause I know it isnt any easy for u.
thanks to me for being stubborn as always.
anyways.
I really appreciate those concerns.
recently.
I got calls.
from people I never really keep in contact with.
and also one all the way from australia!
thank you.
and not forgetting my close friends.
hh thanks for the retail therapy!
although its not intentionally for me.
but it really made me happy.
and I cant wait for weekends!
and there is this one person.
who is always there talking to me.
I mean really.
if that person is not there to keep me company.
for most of the time.
my mind would be elsewhere.
thank you so much!
I still remember.
u said that it will be fine.
u will be there for me whenever i need u.
where are u now?
are u doing good?
y didn’t u keep your promise?
probably u are recuperating.
but please remember.
I don’t wish us to be enemies.
and I always want us to be friends.
once u are done recuperating.
give me a call yeah?
that would really soothe my heart.
I believe we can be great friends!

til next tym~adios!

looking back.

2009-05-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/46/looking_back..

til next tym~adios!

hang on..

2009-05-26T11:13:00.002+08:00

hang on there!
dont let it drop.
or ill really slap my hard.
the hardest ever!!!
comeon.
when people show u sympathy.
empathise with u.
pity u.
dont let them make u feel worst!!!!
i feel such a relief everytime i blog.
my feelings down.
especially during this difficult period.
so in future.
if i were about to make any decisions.
that might end me up like.
a miserable loser.
and i look back at my entries.
i wouldnt dare.
make that decision.
it would serve as a reminder to me.
if i want to be that miserable.
hang on!!!!!!!!!!!!
phew.
im glad.
the tears.
dint drop.
or ill suffer another painful slap.
im getting the hang of it.
=))
next.
put up the mask again.
im sure i can do a simple thing.
as to smile.
SMILE!
=)))))))))))))))))))
it hurts so bad.
please dont emphatise me people.
if not please divert your attention.
to other blogs.
im only trying to make myself better here.

masks off?

2009-05-26T10:27:00.002+08:00

oh no.
is the mask im putting on.
not thick enough?
i felt so embarrassed.
just now.
one of my colleague.
called my name.
he said..
"u look very sad."
"is everything okay?"
i was taken aback.
all these while.
i thought i have been doing well.
pretending.
looks like my acting skills.
arent good enough.
gotta work harder!

afew things i note.
to start again.
probably.
i gotta get a new watch.
this watch is hurting my eye.
and a new necklace.
seems like my precious necklace.
is nowhere to be found.
i felt a lost when i cant find it.
im sure i dint lost it outside.
probably its somewhere.
lying.
in my room or bag.
i need new stuffs.
old things bring memories.
good ones.
but bring harm to me.
carry on the pretence!
seems kinda fun though.
i just got a few hard tight slaps.
this is getting harder and harder.

til next tym ~ adios!

another day.

2009-05-26T08:59:00.002+08:00

today is just another day.
i have to pull through.
im sober now.
but feeling sore.
it was a double blow.
i would slap myself real hard.
every single second i thought of him.
ouch.
it hurts really.
but i guess.
tts the bitter ending.
i have to accept.
and learn to live with it.
its weird though.
no matter how painful the impact of the slap is.
my mind never fail.
to mingle there again.
and the pain continues.
seems like my mind dont mind.
the pain from all the slapping.
=(

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/45/the_end.

til next tym~adios!

2009-05-25T18:37:00.001+08:00

how?
why still cold?

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/44/hmmm.

til next tym~adios!

another painful night.

2009-05-25T09:49:00.002+08:00

crying my nights out.
doesnt seem to help.
i need to get out.
soon.
dont be silly nura.
silly thoughts wont.
entertain u forever.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/43/another_painful_night.

til next tym~adios!

be brave.

2009-05-24T18:58:00.002+08:00

how does one deal.
with a heartbreak?
does one cry your heart out.
and then things start to get better?
i want tt real bad.
i really thought its easy.
ive lost 2kg.
in less than 2 days.
well great way of losing weight huh.
i need strength.
will someone give me?

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/42/truth_is..

band was tiring today.
dint eat.
and played throughout.
i almost feel like fainting.
but i endured.
well work like this makes my brain too busy.
to run with my imagination.
but there are always times.
split seconds.
tt my mind wanders off.
hope it will get better!

til next tym~adios!

side effects settling in..

2009-05-23T21:43:00.002+08:00

hmmm.
so now side effects.
is starting to settle.
and i think its gg to stay.
at least for a long while.
tummyache accompanied by.
fever!
how nice.
great combination.
im so down now.
heaty all over.
im gg band tomorrow.
work my ass off.
1st all the way for this concert.
tiring.
but work can help me.
forget things.
get myself concentrated on something.
then i wont be bothered.
i did modeling today.
for my sis in-law.
portfolio.
being a model is tough.
you have to smile and laugh till your mouth hurts.
and with people watching you.
and now.
not a qualified model.
photographer.
have to tell u how to pose.
once qualified.
u have to strike your own pose.
how tiring.
but.
i want to do it!
probably when im in better shape.
need to get my braces done soon.
so i can smile nicely!
=))
new goals.
to keep me busy.
jiayou nura!
i believe u can do it.

no matter what, you will always be in my heart.

til next tym~adios!

fate is cruel.

2009-05-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

its funny.
how things change overnight.
i really dread this feeling.
one day things are soo good.
and the next.
it ends.
how well i know myself.
im bound to get side effects from this.
mentally, physically and definitely.
medical wise.
but gotta be strong huh.
my unrealised dream.
will never be realised.
wake up nura.
its never going to happen.
wake up from your fairytale dream.
never expect it to end so early.
i dont want it to end.
im only beginning to enjoy.
the fruits of my hard work.
but..
i cant be selfish forever.
its really over now.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/41/baby_its_over.

til next tym~adios!

updates.

2009-05-20T12:42:00.002+08:00

exams are over.
holidays now.
but glad i passed!
practically kinda busy.
with work.
netherlands is coming!
july!
but I still don’t know if I can go.
my manager said.
if he were my boss.
he wont approved it.
grrrr.
but it’s a lifetime opportunity!
I will be so devastated if I cant go.
life's been good to me.
i must say.
=))
but one past.
has been pricking my back.
i still feel guilty till now.
but what do i do?
hmmm.
anws.
im feeling sore now.
argh.
pms i guess.
since yest.
bleah.
someone's giving me attitude problem.
now what do I do?
its been almost 3months.
since any quarrel or misunderstand arose.
and im happy with tt.
probably cause of the promise.
but I don’t care so long as it stays tt way.
now now now.
what do I do?
hmmm.
wells.
I will ignore it.
yes!
tt settles it.
ignorance is bliss.
but till when?
this is tiring.
exhausting.
I don’t wish to start it again.
lets hope it ends tonight.

18 April 2009

2009-04-20T13:02:00.002+08:00

zarina's bdae today.
happie bday!
=))
today as usual.
i went out to jog.
w lina.
my jogging kaki.
den she asked me out.
i was supposed to be studying.
but oh wells.
i wana go out.
and since i noe i wont be gg anywhr else today.
so i agreed.
we went to get my iphones 1st.
i bought 2!
one fer me.
and the other one i gave to baby.
=))
so cool!
my long awaited phone.
hehez.
but i paid a handsome price fer it!
no food fer the next 1 month.
lol.
anws after tt.
we went fer massage at a spa!
wow.
its lyk super pain.
considering she uses "minimal" strength.
my calves were aching wen we finished.
the session.
den we cabbed to ps to get her phone masked.
and walked to far east to eat.
ramen 10!
my fav!
oooh i jux love the ramen.
=))
but its jux soo ex.
lol.
but oh wells.
we headed back to ps to get her phone.
and we cabbed back.
she went to her grandma's.
and me off to baby's.
such pampering!
haha a girls' day out!
fun!
and oh!
im gg have another girls outing w hh!
haha.
miss her!
her nagging too.
lol.
i feel so blessed.
i still have close colleagues.
which i consider friends now.
even though we are all busy.
and dont meet often.
i noe dey will be there.
loves them sooo much!
and after tt i went to meet baby.
to surprise him w the phone!
and he thought it was sum bad news.
coz i jux came right away.
lol.
but its sooo sweeeet.
the whole tym it happened.
=))))))
after tt i went back home.
tts whr all the bad things started to chg.
my almost happy day.
i cried the whole night continuing to the next morn.
i cried soo bad.
in a longggg while.
my eyes were soooo big and swollen the next day.
haix.
the whole bro issue and family (siblings).
indirectly blaming me and stuff.
it jux hurts tt ppl dont appreciate all yer efforts.
at the end of everything.
im really upset.
haix.
and den come the 2nd blow.
http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/40/18_April_2009
and the 3rd.
and it jux keeps cumin...
haix.
what an eventful day..

til next tym~adios!

no work no work

2009-04-08T20:23:00.002+08:00

sum happy post!
tmr no work!
=)))))))))))))))
wheee....
everyone's complaining abt the last.
min decision on the mgt.
but im smiling on the inside!
who doesnt want a holiday.
besides.
im freaking tired alr.
and i need a "good" tym.
to study.
whr everyone else.
is busy werking or studying.
to ask me out to play!
haha.
=)))))))))))))
im gg do to good tmr~!
cant wait.
econs here i come!
and oh!
i passed my math!!!!!
i went to class late yest.
due to month end closing.
wen i got to class.
my classmate told me.
hey.
the teacher says.
she noes our result.
and if we want to noe.
we gotta ask her.
i got panic.
coz i got a hunch that i was gg to fail.
so i panic inside.
i even bought the wrong drink.
coz fer goodness sake i dont drink milk!
hahaz.
and i tink the teacher bth me alr.
coz i dint even ask her abt my test.
so she came to me..
"dont u want to noe yer results, nura?"
i said no..
and she say "want to noe anot?"
"want to noe anot?"
"want to noe anot?"
"want to noe anot?"
infront of the whole class.
and den i shut my ears.
w both palms.
and nod my head.
i wonder why i did tt.
and den she said.
"u passed!"
den im lyk wheee!!!
and everyone starts laughing.
phew!
a huge relief off my back!
baby said congrats! love u!
hahaz.
=)))
and now..
too overloaded w werk.
i kinda feel happy werking here.
i dont noe why.
i dont miss my old werkpl.
tt much anymore.
except fer afew ppl.
anws.
life has to go on!
here im in my own havoc world!
=))

til next tym~adios!

2009-04-02T11:14:00.004+08:00

life has been so hectic.
im a downright busy women now.
but tt doesnt keep me.
from being w my beloved friends.
=))
just had dinner w one yest.
alot to talk abt..
we chatted till lyk the waitress.
asked us if we have any last orders!
i love the tym spent tog.
w frens.
as i appreciate dem lots!
as i continue to talk abt friends.
rs w one of my bestie.
hasnt been quite fine.
due to sum misunderstandings.
i hate to say.
we dont spend so much tym tog anymore.
i kinda feel it alot.
coz we used to spend so much tym tog.
and i hate how things are gg now.
aldo on the surface.
it seems fine.
wen we are out tog.
but on the inside.
i wish i could do sumthin more..
haix.

_deleted_

i just found out how its not worth.
even posting tt.
but i will still keep one thing.

=>P.S. this will be the last i ever mention you. thanks for everything.

til next tym~adios!

sucky.

2009-03-23T20:43:00.001+08:00

i feel super sucky now.
have u ever got this feeling.
whr.
you feel moodless.
tired.
and jux feel lyk crying.
out of no reason?
am i stressed out?
ive been feeling this fer.
3days now.
haix.
wen is this emo period gg to be over.
i was jux starting to get happy.
=(

til next tym~adios!

the past week.

2009-03-23T13:13:00.002+08:00

hmmm.
sweetttt...
=)))
i feel happy.
joy.
cant be happier.

aside to tt.
afew concerns.
recently a good fren.
shared w me.
a prob.
haix.
i feel sucky.
i wasnt of much help.
i was busy at werk.
and sick.
but it turned out tt.
its almost settled.
im happy for you.
be happy okay?
nothing is more impt than.
your own happiness.
so dont make yerself miserable.
*loves*

till den,
most of the week.
school.
really sucks..
i dint understand a single.
nonsense at all!
i was focusing hard.
trying to decipher wad.
the hell.
the lecturer was talking abt.
it jux makes no sense to me.
how am i gg to take the exams.
in 3 weeks tym.
haix.....
i got tired trying to understand.
and finally gave up.
to make matters worsee..
i dint even study.
fer the weekend.
oh wells.
prob i did.
took out my notes.
lie in front of the tv.
watching "beverly hills".
and end up not studying.
and of coz.
i was sick agains.
sumtyms i jux get sick of myself being sick all the tym.
i havent even reached half my age.
not tt i wana live tt long.
but all sorts of illness.
is cuming.
grrr.
and oh.
baby is sick.
poor you...
take cares okay!
wells.
w tt and all..
im kinda wasted.
the last week.
hope this week will be better!
=))
asked mum.
if she wana accompany me.
watch coming soon.
a thai horror movie.
coz apparently.
NO ONE wants to watch it w me.
so i gotta resort to that.
haha.
not making use.
coz well anws.
as she told me.
she has nvr been to the movies.
poor mum.
dad is so unromantic.
=X
so it cant get any romantic here.
coz we're watching horror movie.
hahaz.
and it turns out.
she's planning a family outing.
gr8...
tts wad i get wen i ask her along..
zzzz.
oh wells.
so long as i got company to watch it.
=))
hopefully.
all the scary stuff in there.
makes me a healthier person!
coz obviously.
joy made me healthier.
but now and den.
still an illness pops out!
haha.
probably i'll need to scare the hell outta myself.
soo...
looking forward to it!

P.S. dont worry, everything will be fine! loves u! (you noe who you are =))

til next tym~adios!

one hellof a week.

2009-03-16T15:09:00.000+08:00

past week was all so sickly.
even my mum.
so serious.
i thought of the worst.
but as i get better.
my mum apparently is not.
she keeps complaining of.
more & more new pains.
i feel fer her.
juz a week ago.
we sent her to the hospital.
coz she couldn’t walk.
it pains me to see.
how she endure her pains.
as she walked down the long flight of stairs.
as a result of all.
the enduring.
her tears flowed down her cheeks.
lyk the rain from the sky.
i knew how it hurts her.
but the fact that I cant do anything abt it.
other than to comfort her.
makes me feel useless.
haix.
i really pray she gets better.

soo.
my past week has been all so sickly too.
down w high fever and stomachache, blood included.
so i thought i wanted to enjoy my weekend.
to jux be happy.
and i guess i was.
went to shop fer birthday prezzie.
well.
i guess things were still abit awkward.
bet us.
but i hope its temporary.
wells.
dint really buy anything.
but got an idea or so wad to buy.
after tt.
saint hilda’s band prac.
we dint go.
instead we went to it fair.
super duper crowded.
baby bought 500 worth of Burberry stuff!
den dinner.
and home.
sun was band.
and after tt.
It fair agains.
bren bought camera!
so tts abt all.
and i dint study the whole week.
gr8.

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/39/happy_unhappy_moments.

til next tym~adios!

=))

2009-03-10T13:58:00.001+08:00

seriously.
im happy now.
i tink.
ive alw been happy.
happy with you.
=))

til next tym~adios!

scared.

2009-03-05T23:14:00.002+08:00

ahh.
i hate to have this feeling..

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/38/ahhh.

til next tym~adios!

-_-''

2009-03-04T21:02:00.001+08:00

to prove my inability to werk.
in the kitchen.
officially.
i jux burnt my hotdogs.
tt i had to boil.
i noe there is no link.
boil = burnt?
my god.

til next tym~adios!

yummm.

2009-03-04T13:57:00.002+08:00

hmmm..
yummyyyy.
i had cravings fer ramen.
fer awhile now.
and i jux savoured it.
afew mins ago..
slurp!
nice!
ramen 10.
thankies to my colleague.
who walked w me all the way.
to far east.
hehez.
satisfied my tummy.
=))!!

you said im hot!
hehez.
awww.

til next tym~adios!

darn.

2009-03-01T18:54:00.002+08:00

tink i screw up my audition.
darn!
there goes my netherlands.
but hmmm.
mayb still stand a chance.
*prays*
im kinda having cold sweats now.
mus'art is meaning business now.
speed and accuracy.
decimal points of accuracy.
intonation.
real business.
kinda scare the hell outta me.
can i catch up!!
i hope i can!!!!
i wana go netherlandssssssss.
wait fer me!!

P.S. Someone just said he ate BABI PONTEK!
AND DEELANA IS V UNHAAPPY ABT THIS!!!

(oh no... 2nd tym i mentioned tt non-halal word. -_-'')

til next tym~adios!

=o

2009-02-28T14:54:00.001+08:00

its sweet.
you're sweet afterall.
=))
im jux impatient!
so you missed a year.
so what.
so long as the day is rem!
=))
26/02/09.
26th month.
how it coincide!
orh.
today i jux had the sweetest hottest date!
which lasted hmmm.
abt 2 hrs!
hehez.
happy happy.

til next tym~adios!

26/02/09 ~ 26months

2009-02-26T15:14:00.001+08:00

omg.
its bin 26months already.
how fast tym flies.
but im still quite happy.
with wad I have.
but im alw pissed at tyms.
on this day.
coz someone obviously don’t rem.
i take it so seriously.
and wad more.
its probably gotta be the last 12 mths.
i want it to be happy.
and to 4get this day.
really piss me sumtyms.
hmph.
but wad can I do.
i cant be pissed forever.
oh wells.
accept my fate.
=(

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/37/26th_monthsary.

til next tym~adios!

materialistic?

2009-02-25T17:10:00.002+08:00

omg.
am i materialistic?
i dont tink so.
but.
i jux listed out.
the things that.
is gg to be on my wishlist.
and i realised.
that none was below 1k.
=X
okay.
its more of erm.
extravagance.
all adds up to abt 60k!!
hahaz.
of coz the big part of it.
is a car.
i dare not wish.
fer my fav car though.
jux a norm car will do.
and so.
im planning to get it soon.
after my trip to netherlands.
tts if im gg.
hahaz.
gg or not.
i will still but the car.
cant wait!
and the rest of the stuff in my wishlist.
hope to get it.
all.
by end of this year.
prob cant get it all at a tym.
coz im spending on studies.
hmph.
=))
at least im spending.
on my own $$.
cant wait cant wait!
$$$!
pls drop from the sky!!

til next tym~adios!

happy happy.

2009-02-25T13:25:00.003+08:00

so im kinda happy.
everything's kinda solved.
and ive got a good listener.
who constantly advises me.
and im happy abt tt too!
=))
yest.
slumdog millionaire.
i tot it was kinda okay.
not tt good.
but i loved the small kid.
jamal.
he is juxxx sooo cute!
i could have paired him up w fifi!
hehez.
and dinner was superb!
loved the company.
the long awaited fish soup.
wasss soooo yummmyyy.
and there was dessert!
waffle ice cream fm anderson ice cream.
hmmmm..
yummm!
the post-valentine plan.
haha.
sweeet.
and so i had a good day yest.
went back quite late.
and i had trouble waking up.
but today is a good day too!
=)

til next tym~adios!

vexed.

2009-02-24T17:45:00.001+08:00

its bad to bottle up your feelings.
coz one day.
it will jux explode.
but I guess its jux in me.
hate me.
coz I hate myself too.
am I supposed to feel better now?
hmmm.
a part feels better.
another part is jux numb.
ppl do fault.
but we forgive dem for their mistakes.
we learn from dem.
i nvr learn my mistake.
in fact.
i do it over and over again.
not because I want to.
coz im aware of it.
but because I cant say no to it.
weird huh?
tts me.
hit me.
coz I wana hit myself.
so hard.
and so cased is sorta closed.
i AM gg to forget this incident.
*forget forget forget*

til next tym~adios!

2009-02-24T09:55:00.000+08:00

i seem to find you interesting.
by the day.
you jux rock my life.
+)
im gg movies & fav fish soup today!
whee!

http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/36/hehez.

P.S. : im still pissed over that.
But im gg to get over it.
I believe we are all stressed.
It happens.

wtf.

2009-02-23T14:31:00.002+08:00

omg.
im lyk super pissed!!
super freaking pissed!!!
argh.
okay so now its my fault?
wth.
Ok.
So maybe you are not.
Pushing the blame.
To me.
But still I trust.
Tt incident will NOT create.
Such a BIG impact.
Seems lyk.
You cant find any other reason.
And you keep saying its tt.
And maybe to you.
Im jux shrinking my responsibility.
But omg.
We are all so touchy.
With the fact at how.
Vunerable.
Tt thing is.
And so if it was really.
In a dangerous situation.
Y dint u go out.
And check or.
Ask me to stop?
Coz I bet it wasn’t tt.
Seriously.
I cant even feel it!
Omg.
How can I say.
To make u believe!
Argh.
This is sooo frustrating.
But since you confidently says its me.
Den oh wadeva.
Ive got nothing to say.
Whose fault is it?
Mine right from the beg.
Yeah.
Pissed!

Til next tym~adios!

eeeuuwww.

2009-02-21T11:24:00.002+08:00

eeeuuuwwww.
omg.
i cant believe i jux posted.
a word that is lyk a.
taboo.
to me.
P-O-R-K.
yucks!
jux makes me feel disgusted.
this shall be the last!
*i hope i havent offended anyone*
just a personal preference.
=))

til next tym~adios!

stink.

2009-02-21T11:12:00.002+08:00

god i stink!
jux got back from an hour run!
a gr8 improvement.
after so long.
not running at tt route.
since tt route.
has far too many obstacles.
such as.
high hill/slopes wadsoever.
which makes me sick.
and shagged.
jux by running uphill.
and the route is damn lonnnnggg.
i was reconsidering whether.
to run tt route jux now.
and my legs jux brought me der!
hahaz.
but i feel a sense of accomplishment!
way to go marathon!
im proving myself.
and others wrong!
gimme a year!
hahaz.
or rather half a year.
wells.
kinda feeling active this week!
hyper hyper!
mum alws naggggg at me saying.
i exhaust myself.
too much.
and den wen i fall sick.
SERVES YOU RIGHT!
oh how sad.
but i love the way i am now!
haha.
okays.
so rock climbing plans canceled today.
but!
ive got replacement!
thankies to esc who has been drinking.
2 red bull in a day.
and getting sooo hyper!
we are gg to do sum activities.
instead of jux slacking.
hahas.
this week is abit diff.
last sat was spent studying.
but someone says.
"i'm getting sick of studying, let's do sumthing diff this weekend!"
and so!
ecp here we cum!
i still cant believe we rented such an EXPENSIVE car.
jux fer today.
and stil gotta rent it fer 2 days min!
OH-MY-GOD!
i still cant believe you.
hahaz.
whee!
cant wait!
so cycling.
pastamania~oh! pastamania is officially halal!!!!
no more PORK (for dos ppl who alw make fun of me!)
and alcohol!
whee!
tmr.
swim.
and band.
=))
enufff to keep me exhausted!
loooveeessss!

til next tym~adios!

fairyland.

2009-02-20T14:06:00.002+08:00

im suddenly in fairyland.
fairytale land.
=))
sumone said the.
SWEETEST thing to me.
today.
http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/35/im_pretty_happy_today.
+))))
dazzled.
hehez.

back to reality.
im gg sch later.
oh wells.

til next tym~adios!

hate that i love you so..

2009-02-20T09:44:00.002+08:00

As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I cant stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile?
(No....)

You wont let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
So that I cant stay mad at you
For too long thats wrong

But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I dont want to fuss..
and fight no more
Said I despise that i adore you

And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...)
I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
But I just cant let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

Said its not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I..
will be under reason why
And it just aint right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I cant stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just cant let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic wont affect me
And your kiss wont make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

Yeaahhh...
Oohh...
As much i love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

And I hate that i love you soooo
And I hate how much i love you boy
I cant stand how much I need ya
(cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just cant let you go
(but I just cant let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate that I love you so..
soo.....

til next tym~adios!

ouch.

2009-02-19T14:27:00.004+08:00

hmm.
my tummy hasnt hurt.
in awhile.
mayb coz i feel happy.
my tummy feels happy too.
=))
but now.
ouch.
i am still happy.
why does my tummy still hurt den?
oh no.
malfunction.
ouch.
it still hurts.
=(

til next tym~adios!

today.

2009-02-19T12:46:00.002+08:00

today.
im happy agains.
=)
http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/34

oh.
im darn tired.
i was late fer werk.
right.
gr8.
after the new implementation.
i had to be late.
oh.
dear.
hmms.
anws.
i decide to slack today.
probably coz im sooo tired..
was act looking forward to the weekend.
rock climbing.
but it was cancelled.
so i guess it will only be spent studying.
disappointed agains.
hmmm.
nvm.
mayb esc has better plans.
oh wells.

til next tym~adios!

smiles

2009-02-18T13:49:00.001+08:00

im happy today.
=))
http://musicfreaktboney.multiply.com/journal/item/33/im_happy_today.

valentine's day.

2009-02-14T11:24:00.001+08:00

happie valentine's day.
enjoy!
im off to study.
=))
may i pass exams w flying colors!

til next tym~adios!

=)

2009-02-13T14:15:00.003+08:00

=)
i feel so much better now.
wen i feel better.
my tummy feels better.
somehow.
its connected to how.
my heart feels.
my heart feels warm now.
so does my tummy.
after tt exasperating.
one hour.
in the toilet.
=)
lets give it one year.
yes.
one year from now.
13 February 2009.
next year.
13 February 2010.
reminiscing period.
starts now.
warmth.
i feel lighter.
thank you.

til next tym~adios!

dreams

2009-02-12T09:59:00.004+08:00

live is overturned.
stupid dreams.
here is wad i found out.
about some of it.

~Friend~
To see friends in your dream,
signifies aspects of your personality
that you have rejected,
but are ready to incorporate and
acknowledge these rejected aspects of yourself.
The relationships you have with those around
you are important in learning about yourself.
Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy
tidings from them and the arrival of good news.

~Grandmother~
To see your grandmother in your dream,
represents nurturance, protection,
and unconditional love.
Consider the qualities and characteristics
that exist in your own grandmother.
(not my grandma-wonder what it means..)

~House~
To see a house in your dream,
represents your own soul and self.
Specific rooms in the house indicate
a specific aspect of your psyche.
In general, the attic represents your intellect,
the basement represents the unconscious, etc.
If the house is empty,
then it indicates feelings of insecurity.

~Drawers~
To see drawers in your dream,
signifies your inner and hidden state and being.
So a disorderly drawer represents internal chaos
and turmoil while an orderly drawer signifies order.

~Book~
To see books in your dream, indicates calmness.
You are moving toward your goals at a slow
and steady pace.
Books also symbolize knowledge,
intellect, information and wisdom.
Consider the type of book for additional clues.
The dream may represent your calling into a
specific field of work or an area that you need
to devote more study to.

~Hugging~
To dream that you are hugging someone,
symbolizes your loving and caring nature.
You are holding someone or something
close to your heart.
Alternatively, it may indicate your need
to be more affectionate.

~Kiss~
To dream of a kiss, denotes love,
affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.
To see others kissing in your dream, suggests
that you are too involved in their
personal lives and relationship.
You need to give them some space.
If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone,
indicates that you are unsure of how
he or she really feels about you.
You are looking for some sort of relationship
with this person but you are not sure about
how to go about achieving it.
If you are heterosexual and you dream that
you are kissing someone of the same sex,
then it represents self-acceptance.
You are acknowledging the feminine or masculine side.

~Proposal ~

To dream that you are being proposed to,

indicates that you are merging

a previously unknown aspect of yourself

More directly, the dream suggests

you are thinking about

marriage or some serious

long-term commitment/project/situation

Your reaction to the proposal indicates

your true feelings about marriage or commitment.

To dream of a proposal of marriage,

suggests that some situation will take a turn for the worse.

~Rejection~

To dream that you are rejecting something,

indicates that there are feelings or situations

that you want to be rid of.

Alternatively, you may be refusing

to accept a situation that is

being imposed and forced upon you.

til next tym~adios!

haiz.

2009-02-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

why do u alw run away?

til next tym~adios!

got over.

2009-02-08T21:50:00.003+08:00

i tink..
i got over it.
its true you said.
its jux me being.
used to my way of living.
i can chg it.
it jux nids more effort.
aside to tt.
todays.
i skipped band.
i really wanted to go.
but coz my tummy isnt.
getting any better.
yest.
i went to the toilet.
trice.
diarrhea.
and today.
omg.
constipation.
my tummy is lyk.
i dont noe how to explain alr.
i noe its frustrating.
i am not curing myself.
the only reason is coz.
i dont want to.
and im scared.
really scared.
so why complain?
coz i feel better blogging it out.
its jux fer me to see.
not fer anyone else.
blah.
another reason.
was coz.
i was forced.
to go sumwhr.
i really dread to go.
wad more me in pain.
but still i went.
and.
haix.
more heart-wrenching news.
i almost cant take it.
it bad news all i have.
this year?
did i do alot of bad deeds.
to deserve all this bad news.
bad happenings.
ahhhh.
im on the verge alr.
dont push me.
stop pushing me.
or ill really drop dead.
in front of all you people.
i swear.
and im so dead.
homewerks not done.
i wonder if i can cope at all.
bad bad bad bad year.
haix.

til next tym~adios!

today.

2009-02-08T01:30:00.003+08:00

my plan.
to study.
and finish tutorials.
today.
was disrupted.
sumone asked me out.
and bored as i was.
i agreed.
well.
at least i could take my.
mind of things.
and go enjoy fer abit.
nevertheless.
i brought my homewerk.
w me.
only to noe.
tt i wont have a chance fer it.
at 1st it was weird.
to be arnd ppl i dont really noe.
but we caught up fine!
its all due to my.
ALL-TIME fav hottie.
and yes.
its him agains.
EDWARD CULLENS.
i nvr get bored watching him.
again and again.
i alw end up giggling.
at his small actions.
and today.
i gotta noe more abt him.
all thanks to our small.
twilight fan club.
*an inside joke*
hahas.
i really was enjoying myself.
since weeks.
smiling.
and laughing away.
i havent found myself.
doing tt since.
all tt pain sets in me.
and it all had to end.
all so quickly.
and right back.
wen i reach home.
guess wad.
as soon as i on my lappy.
my probs starts to arise.
and my pains cum.
its lyk almost simultaneously.
i swear!
i myself cant believe at.
how my body system react.
and im stil suffering fm tt pain now.
seriously.
i promised i wont.
i will try to keep my promise okays?
but i seriously dont lyk it this way.
not knowing.
its all so - wrong.
but.
wells.
its juz another typical case.
i watched my fren dumped.
herself.
into this kinda situation.
and now here i am.
in the same.
im still sorry.
but i wont.
i promise.
=)

til next tym~adios!

dah.

2009-02-07T12:22:00.002+08:00

class yest.
was kinda hectic.
i wasnt prepared.
coz its all the new chapters..
im so dead.
and im gg to sch on monday.
w lotsa homework.
seriously.
how am i gg to survive.
this.
to learn everything.
tt i have not touched.
or sum that i have not learnt b4.
in just 5 weeks.
and at the end of the 5 weeks.
my exam is on the freaking next day.
argh.
i so nid help.
help me in math sumone?
haix.
aside to that.
class was okay.
its funny.
how edmund (my teacher).
said at the end of the class.
"so... not meeting yer fren today?"
"or... shall i say OUR fren?"
hahas.
it sounded weird.
our fren.
wells.
im gg to start werking on it soon.
im jux so physically tired.
w all my on-going pains.
and all.
argh.
of coz i noe how to put on a brave front.
so everyone thinks im okay.
the norm crazy girl.
but im tired okay.
haix.

why am i still waiting?
is it an endless wait?
at least.
give me an answer.
i would trade my life..
to know what you are thinking.
now..

til next tym~adios!

2009-02-06T10:42:00.002+08:00

Sch was gr8 yest.
the tutor.
was soo young.
25.
yeah and as i expected.
he is fresh.
haha.
and he alw shoot qns at me.
wad is tt for?
lucky i did my revisions.
i studied.
til chapter 4.
and he finished.
all the 4 chapters in.
3 freaking hours.
wth.
oh gr8.
and he turns out to be.
esc's fren!
hmmmm.
haha.
can ask fer favours.
lol.
wells.
today there is class agains.
i havent dont tutorials & revision.
so i doubt i wil fare in class today.
hope.
he lets me off.
today.
*fingers crossed.*

okays.
update on health.
no improvements.
new pains.
cuming and go.
hahas.
mayb its really norm.
i wonder..

wells.
to perk it up.
i tink i met the kind soul.
i wanted to mit.
=))
and oh yeah.
went to the toilet.
just now.
dont noe y.
this song came to mind.
and i sang it in the toilet.
-_-"""
i noe i noe.
and its abit old school.
hahaz.
but maybe it has a meaning.
its a hint god is giving me.
i dont noe.
but i find the lyrics meaningful.
=))

btw.
i saw the free hugs.
campaign.
gg to start on this valentine's day.
its purpose is.
"giving people"
kindof a good idea?
lol.
anyone interested to join w me??
im looking forward to join.
its considered volunteer werk.
do sum good deeds ppl.
=)
~
From the bottom of my broken heart.
Never look back, we said
How was I to know Id miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead,
Emptiness behind
Where do I go?
And you didnt hear
All my joy through my tears
All my hopes through my fears
Did you know, still I miss you somehow?
From the bottom of my broken heart
Theres just a thing or two Id like you to know
You were my first love,
You were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even through time may find me somebody new
You were my real love
I never knew love
til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart
Baby, I said,
Please stay.
Give our love a chance for one more day
We could have worked things out
Taking time is what loves all about
But you put a dart
Through my dreams
Through my heart
And Im back where I started again
Never thought it would end
From the bottom of my broken heart
Theres just a thing or two Id like you to know
You were my first love,
You were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even through time may find me somebody new
You were my real love
I never knew love
til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart
You promised yourself
But to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here
From the bottom of my broken heart
Theres just a thing or two Id like you to know
You were my first love,
You were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even through time may find me somebody new
You were my real love
I never knew lovetil there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart
Never look back, we said
How was I to know Id miss you so?

til next tym~adios

ohhh.

2009-02-05T17:10:00.002+08:00

oh great!
to top it all.
i now have a toothache!
great.
just great.
maybe its all.
accumulating.
to the brink of death.
ha-ha.
anws.
ive alw wanted to die b4 30.
now if god wishes to take my life.
i will willingly surrender.
ive lived enuff.
i guess.
but of coz.
to look it another way.
im jux unhealthy.
but im really really afraid.
deep down inside.
to see a doc.
coz ive all along guessed.
i have sum major.
disease or sumthin.
tts incurable.
oh.
wad more a dentist.
i freaked out the last tym i went.
so i guess.
this tym.
im NOT gg to the doc.
or dentist.
seriously.
i feel.
wadeva im having now.
eating inside of me.
coz my tummy.
now.
is in constant pain.
i feel unhealthy all over.
this is definately an.
unhealthy year fer me.
argh.

aside to my health.
deteriorating.
i heard.
the company.
subsidiary in HK is closing or so?
hmm.
or maybe not.
coz i heard.
they are considering.
sending one person.
from my office.
to werk in HK.
secondment.
well.
tt guy has a family.
wife and children.
so they were saying.
his wife is gg to miss him and all.
hah!
if they ever consider me...
hmm...
i tink tt would be gr8 fer me.
a new chg of environment.
*wish wish*
*fingers crossed*
i want to live there.
outside singapore.
to disappear.
from all the nonsensical.
problems.
ive witness.
and go tru.
with all the familiar surroundings.
i want a fresh new life!
*pls pls pls*
*let it be me*
aldo i noe it would be impossible.

til next tym~adios!

sch..

2009-02-05T13:18:00.001+08:00

sch is starting.
later today.
kinda prepared.
excited.
at the same not.
coz one ending has.
been really done yet.
i wish i wish..
anws.
hope to meet a kind soul today.
i want to mit a kind soul.
=))

til next tym~adios!

hai.

2009-02-03T15:43:00.003+08:00

ppl says.
wen your life ends.
you die.
your problem ends.
not exactly true.
how i pity all these souls.
y are ppl alw so concerned abt.
life materiality?
is it really that impt?
more than your own life.
more than your family.
your closest kin?
making you go against.
your every conscience.
just to get your gain?
i give you all.
my sympathy.
coz you are no better.
from an animal.
even the soul of your.
closest kin.
is not spared.
her soul mux be crying.
my soul is crying too.
isnt der anythin i can do?
not tt its any of my probs.
but..
i hate.
to leave it at tt.
and let u gloat.
w wad u seem to earn.
overnight.
i want to seek justice.
but will i be allowed to speak?
will i be shut out?
will anyone listen to me?
haix.
i wonder..
if there is humanity left in this world.
you deserve to die.
i mean it.
but fate alw has it tt.
the bad.
lasts forever.
and i just gotta live w that.
but i hope justice will be unveiled.

wad good does life serves you?
i only see the good.
in caring for the weak.
the loves arnd you.
can turn out to be fake.
overnight.
in turn.
you might still.
have a conscience left.
after all that's gone.
even if the weak.
decides to betray you one day.
you leave happy to noe.

i once helped them.

til next tym~adios!

ahh.

2009-02-03T14:00:00.003+08:00

its true ppl say.
you start having problems.
then your body starts having problems.
too.
its alw happens to me.
hmmm.
tummy ache.
the common one.
headache.
ulcers.
muscle aches.
all sorts of pain.
you name it.
i have it.
sucks.
real bad.
coz im starting sch soon.
on thurs.
im kinda prepared.
coz i at least studied.
1st 4 chaps alr.
so i wont be left out.
but still.
sumthin.
dun feel quite rty.
haix.
i hope all my trouble goes away.
and then all pain.
will disappear too.
den i will be .
=)
*smiles* away.
hmm.
waiting..

til next tym~adios!

2009-01-30T09:48:00.002+08:00

i think....
i cant tolerate.
not anymore..
its scary..
how it seems.
the truth is hard.
to deny..
anymore.
i feel intimidated.
i feel suffocated.
is this possible?
its unstable.
we all are.

til next tym~adios!

wide awake!

2009-01-24T03:09:00.002+08:00

hmm.
its 3plus.
and im still wide awake!
hahaz.
guess wads keeping me awake!
girls night out!
lol.
not much of a nightout though.
jux a sleepover.
aldo im kinda tired and all.
but it stil rawk!
hehez.
went to rent sum movies.
over at the store.
horror was the theme!
hehez.
my idea.
atlas i gotta to watch sum horror.
not to gory though.
jux to spare the girls!
ate at esc house.
and de off fer a midnight movie!
hehez.
bride wars!
sooo...
my kinda movie!
anna hathaway kinda shrunk though.
not to her advantage.
hahaz.
since her mouth look so big.
of an accessory w her small.
head.
not flattering at all.;
but kinda liked the show!
its funny.
and all the "awww-s".
heez.
cools!
esc sis was in the same theater as us!
how cool is tt!
lol.
wells.
after the movie.
we are back at her house.
dey are playing guitar hero.
and here i am blogging.
hehez.
the other one is alr in bed.
lol.
oh!
ive got a cool update!
haha.
went fer a movie marathon!
IP MAN.
RACHEL GOT MARRIED.
RED CLIFF II.
i noe now tt its kinda tiring.
fer a movie marathon.
the middle show kinda suck.
but we had a good beg.
and ending!
how nice.
spend lotsa $$.
instead of ..
sheng qian wanggg.
lol.
but im happy.
=))
P.S. sumone made me feel argghhh!!
he asked me to F- off!
im still angry okays!
=X

til next tym~adios!

bored.

2009-01-16T11:53:00.002+08:00

alrighty!
im bored.
and so here i am.
afew updates..
new year eve spent reading.
breaking dawn.-edward.
new year was up early!
mit gz, rf & hh.
fer our sunway lagoon trip!
i was late.
againz.
lol.
the whole trip der was kinda fun!
and crazy.
lotsa shopping.
but not quite alot of pretty clothes.
ended up buying things fer ppl.
more than buying fer myself.
oh yes.
the theme park.
adventure park.
was damn cool.
first tym ever.
i sat on a ship that turns 360deg!
i being the smart aleck.
jux tot it cant be tt bad.
so jux go fer it.
but.
it WAS that bad.
lol.
i screamed at the top of my voice.
calling mummy fer help.
asking dem to stop tt damn machine.
and.
i almost puke.
tt bad?
hahaz.
of coz we did roller coaster.
those water plays.
fun.
real fun.
shopping as i said.
was kinda letdown.
food!
omg.
i can eat anything.
haha.
almost.
waraku.
mr. tepanyaki.
lots more.
my only regret.
not gg to the scream park.
aldo i noe it will scare the hell outta me.
i STILL wana go okaY!
haha.
fun trip =))
wads w the chor chor and sibei chor chor.
hahaz.
will certainly do it againz.
wells.
wen im back.
werk.
got confirmed!
hehex.
erm..
nothing much.
erh sentosa w fifi!
haha.
hilarious.
jux love it!
the 3 of us.
after tt.
we went to k-singing.
w meinu and gang.
lol.
kinda scared though.
wen i saw the pl.
lol.
coz it looks lyk a pl all those mama-san.
goes to.
=X
but its darn cheap.
jux tt i dint sing.
as alw.
haha.
dont noe why.
lol.
and after all the fun.
one thing tt makes it NOT fun.
wen i do my acs.
and realised.
i spent abt.
2.7k.
in a month!
wth did the $ go to?
i wonder.
and the worst part was.
b4 i did my acs.
i went shopping.
coz i was bored at werk.
and bought 2 bags.
of clothings.
and argh.
i had to look at the bags.
after i did my acs.
guilty.
really guilty.
any takers?
was the 1st thought tt came to my mind.
to think.
earlier on.
i asked xl if she wanted to spree.
w me.
=X
how bad am i?
incurable.
i tink so too.
now....
ill try okays?
save save save!
sheng qian wanggggggg!!
=(

til next tym~adios!

sunway.

2009-01-01T00:11:00.002+08:00

happie new year!
2009.
will be a good one.
for everyone.
=)
a couple.
of happenings.
i want to jot down.
1st-ly.
the day i awaited.
dint end up spending.
alone.
it was simple.
but i was satisfied.
i mean.
wad matters is the company rty?
and so i loved it.
rented the car fer the weekend.
got sick.
real bad.
super high fever.
which lasted half a day.
after i swan 30laps.
under the scorching sun.
after tt went fer band concert.
lucky.
the night cycling was canceled.
if not.
i think ill jux drop dead.
mum says.
i over-exhaust myself.
i need a break.
i think so too.
the next day.
i was still sick.
threw abit of tantrums.
dint go to msia.
to visit my aunt fer the last tym.
i felt kinda bad.
but there is sumthin in me.
tt just dint wana go.
probably i was sick.
but to imagine.
i was quite close to her.
i still feel bad.
went to send and fetch family.
to and fro.
during the trip.
in bet.
managed to catch up on sum slp.
felt abit lighter.
hmm.
at night.
i decided to finished.
my unfinished album.
i was exhausted w so many.
on-going things w family & werk.
tt i dint finish it.
felt bad coz it was supposed to be out.
on 26/12/08.
and so.
went to shop fer accessories.
and printed out photos.
album was nice.
it was so rush.
i got a headache.
w all the car sick.
urgh.
went to chg fer sum loose chg.
and off i went.
to see you.
i dont noe y.
wen i got der.
my legs were jux wobbly.
heart racing against tym.
and den i saw sumone.
who looks exactly.
well maybe not exactly.
just tt he is wearing the same bag.
and shirt.
running down the stairs.
across the street.
i dont noe wad came over me.
i ran towards his direction.
to catch a glimpse of tt person.
only to see him disappear.
i felt kinda upset.
disheartened.
my legs became more wobbly.
heart raced faster.
oh dear.
i really dont noe wad dis is all abt.
i called you many tyms.
no ans.
afraid to call home.
i did sumthin i nvr did b4.
it was lyk an extreme measure.
fer emergency kinda lifeline.
but it doesnt seem so in this situation.
but i still took it.
called bren.
to check on you.
granny says you're not home.
i got really scared.
called and called to no avail.
i decided to park the car in a position.
i can see clearly from the car park.
your window.
so i could see if u came back.
yes.
i planned to wait.
but it seem fruitless.
and i jux got more and more scared.
so the fruitless wait.
end me up at the staircase outside.
your house.
i dint noe wad i was waiting fer.
but i jux did.
you can imagine.
the horror and the fear.
tt ran tru my heart and mind.
jux sitting der.
alot of worries.
alot of fears.
i get edgy and the tiniest sound.
and finally.
not long after.
sumone said.
"erh, y are u here?"
it was a relieve.
lyk a rock thrown out of my heart.
reducing its weight.
it has been plunging on my heart.
a hug soothes it all out.
and sum tears might help too.
lol.
but it seems.
lyk tt feeling.
was a feeling of lost.
i felt lost.
the feeling of losing sumthing.
is scary.
but at least i dint lose anything tt night.
in fact i gained.
i gained a happier me.
=)
thankies to you.
okay now.
today.
01/01/09.
marks the end of 2008.
and so.
we had half day today.
was kinda expecting.
the voucher was cumin.
just tt.
mayb not tt ALOT!
its freaking S$500 taka voucher!
i was so excited.
i mean lyk finally i can do a major shopping!
haha.
not tt i nvr did.
but now.
lyk its not my money.
so ill jux heck!
haha.
1st thing.
or rather person.
tt came to mind.
to shop w me.
was you.
and so i called.
elated.
excited.
and so.
while waiting fer company.
to cum.
i went to window shop alone.
not really alot of things.
caught my attention.
but its just crazy wen u hav the company.
sum frens called.
lyk meinu xl, rabiah etc.
asking fer plans fer tonight.
but in the end we dint go to any.
or rather me.
clubbing? - erm.. nono. not in the mood.
sentosa? - super packed! ill be a pancake in no tym. =X
and the rest were'nt tt favourable.
coz by then we will be darn tired alr.
and so..
we shopped.
NON-STOP.
fer 3hrs plusplus.
how cool is tt.
in our hands are S$500.
worth of goods.
haha.
and so we got tired.
and a lil moody.
coz of the exhaustion.
things got abit cranky.
awhile.
got better soon after.
i was happie w my company.
and i really did enjoy my day!
and i received a sweet msg!
hehez.
muacks!
now.
im gg to slp.
b4 sumone.
checks up on me.
i cant wait fer the kl trip later.
and opps.
ive gotta wake up at 530!
sooo.
chao!
happie 2009!

til next tym~adios!

2009-01-01T00:10:00.000+08:00

the previous post.
was supposed to be posted.
on 28/12/08.

both gone.

2008-12-28T04:03:00.002+08:00

i dont noe.
28/12/08.
half a year apart.
wen i heard the news.
i dint feel anything.
both mother and son.
sigh.
after i got home.
i just couldnt sleep.
this afternoon.
i had a bad fever.
after so long.
haiz.
all the bad do certainly come in a rush.
mum waited fer me at the door.
she said.
aunt was in bad condition.
we are gg to visit her after dawn.
we both.
cant seem to picture.
how we would feel.
i can feel.
she too.
cant sleep.
we chatted fer awhile.
talked abt aunt.
how she seems to be struggling fer her life.
now.
and we are not by her side.
haiz.
mum even said.
wen we visit later.
we should bring some money.
just in case.
something happen to her.
and we could.
prepare for her.
coz.
we are her closest kin.
even though she has a daughter.
tt she still cant accept till now.
aunt really.
suffered alot.
wen she lived.
her only son.
passed away.
6months back.
leaving her heartbroken.
i guess.
tt is why now.
she no longer wants to fight on.
i will miss you aunt.
i told mum.
she shouldnt talk tt way.
and she says.
"this is bound to happen"
and so.
we both set off to sleep.
i noe she is restless as well.
she woke up twice.
within.
1/2 an hour.
to call aunt's neighbour.
to ask abt aunt.
and finally.
we both tried to get some sleep.
i really tried to sleep.
but i cant.
i start imagining things.
and soon enuff.
the phone rang.
i really wished.
no one picked up the phone.
i tried to ignore it.
wishing tt it wasnt bad news.
after awhile.
it was silent.
den mum began knocking on my door.
aunt is gone.
forever.
i stil dint shed a tear.
i dont noe why.
mayb i shed alot this afternoon.
wad w my bad fever.
and emotional feelings.
i cant shed any now.
i wish i was beside her.
i wish i stayed on.
wen i visited her last few days.
at least i am w her.
wen she leave.
i alw had regrets.
im feeling so sucky now.
aunt.
i hope you rest well.
i'll be coming for you soon.

lighter mood.

2008-12-18T13:48:00.003+08:00

okays.
this is gg to be the 3rd entry.
in a day.
wen i dont update.
its afew days.
and wen i do.
its afew entries in a day!
oh dear.
wads w me.
but i jux got to blog it down.
happy or sad moments.
i want to read it in the future.
ppl and things tt conclude.
the ups and downs.
in my life.
hmmm.
anws.
i said my mood got abit lighter.
coz i jux rec a call!
its the call ive bin waiting for.
lyk almost forever.
finally got tt call.
i heard wad i needed.
to hear.
wad i wanted to hear.
and im happy.
=)
thank you to whoever.
you are.
tt called me today.
and made my day.
although the news.
and things said.
were not lyk OH MY GOD.
but at least it made me smile.
heex.
i haven "heex".
in awhile here.
so i guess its kind of worth the effort!
=)
thank you agains.

til next tym~adios!

im not perfect.

2008-12-18T13:33:00.002+08:00

hmmm.
after days of analyzing.
i think.
i am a bad person.
i dont tell ppl how i feel.
waiting fer ppl to guess.
i get easily affected.
im too emotional.
*which i tink i can do better*
im irrational.
im asking for too much.
perfect-NESS.
i dont appreciate the goods.
i only see the bad.
in ppl.
*as much as i try to appreciate the goods,
the bad just stands out*
and i dont noe how tt is possible.
still trying to werk tt out.
im alw expecting things.
wo ppl knowing.
and wen it doesnt happen.
i get disappointed.
*tt is childish i admit*
maybe too much pampering.
from my beloved frens.
haha.
i wish for all the goodness.
and i cant accept the bad.
*tts bad*
there are good and bad things in life.
we all have to live and deal with.
and last of all.
*at least to wad i can think of right now*
i expect farrrrrrr tooooo much things.
*from some ppl**not physical things, though. just gestures*
and i think tt is darn retarded of me!
isnt tt way too much bad-ness in me?
oh dear.
im soo gg to get discriminated after this post.
but i think i deserve it.
=(
but!
my mood just lightened abit.
ill update in the next post!

til next tym~adios!

mixed feelings.

2008-12-18T13:11:00.004+08:00

it seems okay.
the voice.
just makes me feel comfy.
again.
but.
seems tt sumthin is missing.
yet again.
i wish to find out.
what tt is.
the image i picture it to be.
in my mind.
on that day.
wasnt even an inch close.
to wad really happened.
it was kinda intense act.
looks of irritation.
i can see.
i almost let.
down a tear.
i stopped it.
it wasnt supposed to be that way.
and i felt distant.
maybe coz its just starting.
or warming up.
in bet.
things got abit loose.
laughter.
the trails of thoughts.
the stories.
ive always adored ppl.
who can story tell.
totally enjoyed.
=)
but.
sumhow.
after tt.
things doesnt feel.
lyk its okay agains.
even now.
it dint go back to what.
it was supposed to be.
should i be thankful?
or should i have wished otherwise?
i really dont noe wad to think.
i think...
its stil weird.
i mean maybe.
the warm up.
is not warm-ed enuff.
how i wish i have half of.
Edward Cullen's power.
to read ppls mind.
coz i really dont noe what you are thinking.
and im dying to noe.
and i guess vice versa.
im tired.
and im gg to rest.
crazy thoughts.
can make one go crazy.
2 options.
either my intuition is right.
or.
im reading too much into nothing.
im choosing the latter.

til next tym~adios!

finally.

2008-12-16T11:52:00.002+08:00

and oh.
finally.
i plucked enuff courage.
to apologize.
i was fondling with my hp.
the whole day.
contemplating whether.
to send or not.
after a whole day of confusion.
i jux decided to press the send button.
and waited for the reply.
on one hand.
i think he might not bother.
maybe he is over it alr.
on the other hand.
he might be feeling just lyk me.
and since partly.
i was to blame.
i decided to take the 1st move.
the thing is.
whenever it is my fault.
it is alw.
ever so diff to get it over with.
so many problems.
lil issues just pops.
out of nowhere.
so i guess.
i'll need more effort.
but den agains.
after hearing the response.
i doubt.
i can go tru it agains.
weak as i admit.
im not cut out fer it.
some how.
everyday.
on my way to werk.
my eyes nvr fail me.
to look at the seat.
in front of the hair salon.
hoping to see a familiar face.
just how i noe it so well.
he will nvr be there.
never.
after work.
too.
my eyes just betray me.
i will scrutinize.
every possible place.
to fulfill every sense of hope.
i wish for a chivalrous act.
to forget things.
and start new.
but it doesn't seem possible.
and so.
the end result was to take a breather.
which i thought was ridiculous.
it was unfair.
i nvr took a breather.
not once.
no matter how bad things were.
i guess im the one with the chivalrous act here.
ppl nvr seem to noe how bad their words hurt ppl.
but as usual.
i act brave and strong.
no matter what.
the promise i made.
to wait.
i think it was ridiculous as well.
on my part. I mean.
i shouldnt be doing all this.
really.
i have never seen him in my shoes before.
maybe i am forgiving.
or easily bullied.
i dont noe.
but i never allowed him to be in my situation.
protective maybe.
maybe you are right.
just let go.
ive done it fer a week.
i can do it forever.
i can.
love does nothing but just hurt.
i will stop my tears no matter wad.

til next tym~adios!

too much emotion.

2008-12-12T09:25:00.002+08:00

26 December 2008.
i picture that day.
coming.
in my dreams.
in my thoughts.
its disconcerting.
to my mind.
totally.
took over.
i picture it.
clearly.
i would be alone.
tears welling down my cheeks.
as the day passed painfully.
right from the wee hours.
the morning of 26th Dec 2008.
the reminiscence.
the pain.
the happiness.
recollected.
all in a swift.
i nvr imagined.
it to be that way.
at least not a year ago.
or afew months back.
now.
its different.
i can feel the pain now.
i hope i will just.
drop dead.
or seriously ill.
on that day.
or a few days before.
just like two years back.
at least i will not be.
so concentrated on the agony.
hmm.
i can pass it.
i have to believe in myself.

aside to that.
on a lighter note.
i finished the book.
twilight this morning.
at 3am.
i forced myself to finish it.
coz i am gg to watch the movie.
tonight.
actually i dint really force myself.
i was addicted to read further.
the characters were just.
so real.
i could feel the intensity.
the pain of their love.
the author of this book.
is totally awesome.
i crouched my body into a ball.
held my breath.
sink my fingers in between my teeth.
as the chapter goes on.
it feels as if i was there.
in the book.
in the situation they were in.
i never felt more like that.
with the other books i have read.
this was an exception.
i am sure the movie.
would be gr8!
jux that i don’t really like.
the ending.
however.
i was so touched.
by the nobility of their love.
it was so pure.
and so full of sacrifices.
he being a vampire.
who fell in love with a human.
he loves her so much.
he fought his animal instincts.
which tells him to devour her.
everytym he is around her.
the smell of her hair, her blood, her breath.
her every move.
tempted him to madness.
but he still fought it.
to keep her alive.
and bella, his loved one.
she too wanted to sacrifice her human form.
just to be with him.
just so they can be together for eternity.
they just found each other less than a year then.
while many i know.
cant sacrifice a tiny bit.
for their love one.
she wanted him to suck her blood.
to satisfy his longing, his thirst.
and to be a vampire.
just like him.
and live together for eternity.
then again.
this is just a storyline.
it cant be real.
if it was real.
i like bella.
would definitely.
sacrifice my human self.
to be with the man i love.
of coz it should not be beyond.
my conscience.
that made me really.
take my hat off her.
i feel like i am living in a fairytale.
i am soo looking forward to tonight’s show.

and i hope i can bring fifi out tmr.
that would make my day.
enough of rattling.
time to werk!
=)

til next tym~adios!

sigh.

2008-12-10T13:03:00.002+08:00

giddy spells.
again.
hates when im feeling.
weak all over.
jux makes me feel useless.
im overly dependent.
but i guess.
it will be over soon.
real soon.
ill get better!
no more sickly nura.
=))

til next tym~adios!

my dress.

2008-12-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

i wonder why.
today.
just now.
i pick up the dress.
the one you gave me.
and i tore it by accident.
and i started sewing it.
something i never thought.
i would do.
in a million years.
i had a strange connection.
with that dress.
every time i look at it.
i feel loved.
it fees as if you are here.
with me.
as i am sewing it.
as clumsy as i am.
i pricked my finger.
it hurts.
just the same as i am hurting now.
i wonder..
maybe i was in the wrong.
whatever it is.
i am humiliated.
maybe by myself.
and i have no guts.
to face you.
let it be this way.
for now or forever.
i cannot carry on.
i miss you.

til next tym~adios!

=(

2008-12-08T14:24:00.002+08:00

i am depressed.
i havent hated someone.
this much.
today.
i express my hate.
i hate you.
how i wish.
you would jux.
disappear.
from the face of earth.
how can you treat me.
lyk shit?
there is a bond bet us!
its impossible.
to see how u treat me this way.
haix.
i really hate you.
get away from me.
i nvr wana talk to you EVER.
i wish someone is here to share my pain.
i wish you were here to listen to me rattle.
but you arent.
i shall stop dreaming.
sigh.

til next tym~adios

hmmm.

2008-12-05T12:26:00.002+08:00

=))
all smiles.
gr8 things happen fer a reason.
im uberly happie this week.
reason being.
firstly.
sweetness.
pops out from nowhere!
hahaz.
the old feeling is back.
approaching 24months.
if feels lyk old tyms.
reminiscing is definately gr8.
msgs.
sudden POPs.
really puts me so amazed.
by how small gestures.
really affect me.
i was so shocked.
elated.
wen running late fer werk.
i saw a familiar face.
admist the busy atmosphere.
its baby!
oh dear.
wads he doing there?
lol.
lost fer words.
but happie.
hugged him so dearly!
=)
appreciates!
and so he sent me to werk.
aww.
and things have been going gr8.
im seeing changes.
good ones.
sweet ones.
jux lyk old tyms.
and secondly.
my mere conversation w sai bi.
aka.
fangster.
lol.
turned out to a gr8 end!
we are planning an outing.
jux the 4 of us!
supposed to be sunway lagoon.
but seems lyk we are gg kl!
whheee.
cant wait.
we are all excited!
hehez.
finally.
i can go on a holiday.
and w them.
ive bin really tired.
i nid a real rest.
to enjoy.
and have retail therapy.
wo barriers.
ill worry abt the expenses later.
haha.
i really cant wait!

til next tym~adios!

bored.

2008-12-02T13:07:00.002+08:00

im bored.
too many things to do.
mixed feelings.
dono why.
i havent been feeling good.
i dont know what is wrong.
at tyms tears jux flow down.
uncontrollably.
am i gg crazy?
hmm.
i need all the attention in the world.
=(
i miss you.
i miss my frens.
i miss my life.
everything is so restricted now.
how am i gg to get use to this?
i wonder.
till then.
i wish i would be better.
=))
the simplest thing.
can make one happy.
a gesture.
a remark.
anything.
make an effort.
its actually effortless.
and make people around you happy.
ignore.
and make people aroung you sad.
choose.
i miss my ex-colleagues.
cant wait fer night cycling.
uncle kua.
faster pls.

*by the way. i cant believe he asked me that question!! of all questions! come on im not that close to you. how can you be so insensitive a be such a moron! argh!*

til next tym~adios!

26/11/08

2008-11-27T14:07:00.002+08:00

okay..
maybe i was wrong..
he is sweet.
maybe i was too judgemental.
hmmm.
but 26/11/08.
was kinda memoriable!
once in awhile.
it really spurs my mood!
whee.
and so..
i was bored.
coz i dint feel lyk gg to the.
movie screening alone.
i ran sum errands.
and head home.
watched 10 brothers!
its damn nice la.
i loved it.
now and den.
looking at my phone.
waiting fer it to ring.
and finally it did!
haha.
afew msgs.
and off it went.
den it ringed agains!
baby called.
wanted me to go down and buy food.
coz i havent eaten.
i was kinda.
not in the mood.
and he forced me.
to go.
and so i went.
den i saw him.
wen i turned back and said.
"ni hen fan le!"
=X
there he was saying.
"wo hen fan meh?"
w a sunflower in his hands.
awwww.
hehez.
*melts*
im sorry.
i was not in the mood.
but the mood.
swings back to.
happy!
=))
so touched by his gestures.
thankies baby!
how nice.
how blissful.
loves!*
and we headed down to fish&co.
fer dinner.
and opps.
i 4got to buy dinner fer the whole family.
and soo.
they went hungry!
=X

1more month!
cant wait!

til next tym~adios!

hmph

2008-11-26T15:45:00.003+08:00

and soo..
it was all a lie.
sweet words.
lyk alw.
will jux remain words.
its simple.
if u dont mean it.
dont say it.
make someone happy.
on the spur of the moment.
and den disappoint tt person.
for a prolonged period.
worth it?
nah.
so disappointing.
i jux wont believe.
or take yer words seriously.
from now.
to prevent more.
disappointment.
sigh.

til next tym~adios.

whee!!

2008-11-25T13:39:00.002+08:00

i can officially slack agains!
officially means.
my boss says he has nothing more to give me.
which means.
IM FAST!
whoo.
haha.
but the good natured me.
will not slack of coz.
although its kinda in my nature alr.
lol.
i will do some filing.
fer the rest of the day.
or...
hmmm.
rest of the week?
lol.
anws.
last week was kinda hectic.
dint have much slacking tym.
got a chance to have sum exercise.
during the weekends.
heez.
and oh!
baby said..
"we are one day before the end of our 1yr10mthsary"
"approaching 11mths"
"so fast"
"i want you to see me & be w u"
"a day before"
"our 23th monthsary"
"and a day after"
i go..
"awww so sweet"
replied..
"i wana be rou ma can?"
LOL.
o.O
=)))))))))))))))))))
how blissful can one get?
i jux love you.
the simple you.
and my target to be the next..
shen qian wang*queen!
hmmm.
dono if i spelt it correctly.
but still..
i will reach my mark!
reaaaallll soon.
believe me k?

PS. - i still owe someone an entry.

til next tym~adios!

and the day goes..

2008-11-19T13:46:00.003+08:00

havent updated in awhile.
life has been pretty much the same.
except.
im more happier now.
hmmm.
almost lyk living in a bliss.
and yeah!
ive an outing w baby n fifi!
omg.
its sooo super duper fun!
fifi is jux sooo cute!
*pinch her cheeks a zillion tyms!*
but of coz i handed the responsibility.
of taking care of her w sumone else.
lol.
so typical of me.
hahax.
i will post pics soon!
=))
and yeah i went fer rihanna's concert!
whoo...
cool.
i was dancing lyk a mad women.
1year of dancing crave is being unleashed!
the ppl behind me mux think im super hyper.
lol.
but the disappointing thing is tt rihanna.
was late for 30 damn mins!
and yeah.
the so "expected" 1st song.
she dint sing.
coz her microphone.
is not werking.
lolx.
and she ended the concert abt 945.
freak.
i was only beginning to feel high.
its only started for me.
awww.
and so after tt.
esc brought us to eat tau huay.
near her sch.
its kinda deserted.
lol.
but its damn nice.
other than the one near yishun camp.
which i tried.
whoo!
act.
i kinda hav an exciting weekend.
hehez.
loves it!
and oh dear..

im not progressing in band.
practise nura practise!!
get yer ass up and practise!!!

i noe i noe.
and i will...
its all worth it if i could perform in netherlands!
and then italy!
whoo!!
i cumin ppl!
wait fer me...
hahaz.
the crazy nura is hyperventilating.
from boredom.
im more quiet at werk.
i dont talk.
its so NOT me.
whr are all my colleagues..
wc...
jy....
hh...
all gone...
dey mux stil be enjoying themselves.
and im bored here.
hmph.
=(
i miss them..
awww.
lets pls mit up realll soon..
wc you promised!
im waiting...

ill post all the pics i owe reaaallll sooon.
=))

til next tym~adios!

smiley.

2008-11-13T13:59:00.001+08:00

im happpieeee..
msged received!
=)))))))))))
muacks!

Rihanna!!!

2008-11-13T13:49:00.002+08:00

Rihanna here i cum!!
Whoo.
im seeing her live tonight!
thankies babes for.
the bdae prezzie!
gonna enjoy today soo much!
heex.
and someone hasnt called today.
hmph.
=(

til next tym~adios!

=))

2008-11-12T14:06:00.002+08:00

i havent blogg in awhile.
not busy.
but hmmm.
i dono wad im busy w.
busy feeling happy i guess.
=))
life after my bdae.
has been looking good.
so far.
i feel soo loved.
soo happy.
soo blessed.
w everything.
my life is almost perfect.
except tt unrealised dream of mine.
hmph.
nevertheless.
im thankful.
things turned out great.
im act glad my bdae is over.
arent looking forward to it sumhow or rather.
im so happy you are somewhat the old you.
thanks for all the effort!
*loves*
=))

P.S. I hope I can bring fifi out dis sat. *prays*

til next tym~adios!

suppperrr haappiieee.

2008-11-04T16:42:00.003+08:00

it is not momentarily!
i dono if its to make up.
fer wad happen this morn.
but i doubt so.
he is making an effort.
=)))
im crazily happy.
he called..
and says he miss me!
=)
wanted to sing a song fer me.
and gave me a muacks!
=x
hehez.
wad a swweeeet gesture.
seee wad i mean by being happy over.
the slightest thing?
haha.
he has to stay in today.
so cant pei me go get my cashcard.
=(
but he dint allow me to go alone.
wanted to go w me another day.
and he promised.
awww.
=))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
smiling widely....
since he is sooo swit..
im trying to get over the *pics* issue.
trying v hard..
im happyyy today..
and so ...
im slacking at werk agains.
seems lyk im doin tt everyday...
today.
officially i can slack.
coz the norm tym.
im slacking on the sly.
haha.
coz my boss says.
my job for the month is done.
so im free now...
whee!
*P.S. - i think i owe an apology to someone and i have been trying to post it but never dared to do it. i will post it soon*

til next tym~adios!