time flies really fast.
since the last update in may..
not its already mid-sept..
life has been so great these few months.
alot of good things happened.
even r/s is bloossoming real well.
i just felt so much bliss in my life right now.
more than any other times in my life.
some bad things happen but ultimately,
it leads to something good, does'nt it?
despite all these..
i have come to realize..
that i only find extra time to blog..
when i am sad..
which is not good.
cause when i look back at my entries..
i only see bad memories.
haiz.
but i really cant help it.
i want to jot my feelings down.
cause i cant find ppl to talk to.
its so distressing to keep everything to myself.
its so like me.
to be the one to listen to ppl's sorrow and woes.
but keep mine to myself.
and appear happy and full of life.
when in fact sometimes.
im burning inside with sadness, fear and uncertainty.
why is it in me that i live this way?
why cant i change no matter how hard i try.
i try not to put stress into other ppl..
but in the end, i cause stress to myself.
at times, i just dont know what to do/reply.
when the words that came out was so shocking to my ears.
i guess all i need now is a hug.
a warm and friendly hug.
with no hostility.
im so afraid.
i feel so tiny suddenly.
so vunerable.
like if i were to move an inch.
someone would just squash me flat.
i dont know where to turn.
who to look for.
when the person who i want to look for the most.
is probably feeling the same way like i am.
or even worse.
i just wish to fly off to somewhere no one can find me.
and hide.
if living a life is such a hassle.
with so many things to consider.
so many feelings to take care of.
i rather live a silent, peaceful life.
right.
i have to be positive about life.
i have just tamed myself to feel positive about everything.
even now, when i feel sick to my bones to go to school after work.
or to start on my revision.
or feel so f(*&%ed up that i have to live my life this way.
i always find a reason to be happy with what i have now.
really!
its so much of a difference.
yet..
such change is only *trivial.
haix.
still.
if good things were to happen to me.
it will be the first i would jot down.
so this journal will be full of life!
i would just turn to someone next to me for a nice hug.
at these times, you are just so desperate for comfort.
for someone to tell you that everything's fine.
and its going to be alright.
i shall find that comfort in me..
alright, im gg back to studying.
til next tym~adios!