Saturday, February 23, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
dear diary,
so i met him yesterday.
i know i know.
i said i didn't want to meet him because.
that will bring me back to ground zero.
and yes it did.
i went to get my things yesterday.
i didn't think it would be that emotional.
cause i did kept my emotions in check these 2 weeks.
although i missed him like crazy.
i didn't cry.
actually i did.. every time i think of him.
but not that much.
but all my wires went crazy the moment i saw him.
i tried not to look into his eyes cause then it will drive me crazier.
i kept crying non-stop.
i missed him.
badly.
although i didn't want to see him.
but seeing him, puts my heart at ease.
crazily, i felt somewhat happy despite all the tears.
cause he was there.
i saw his chubby face.
its not that chubby now but...
he was there.
and we talked after.
and then i just didn't want to leave.
i can't leave.
the things we talked were emotional for me.
i don't know if i have any audience left on this website.
my blog has not been updated for very long.
and i kinda hope i didn't have any audience cause the things i say here are quite personal.
but if i do have any audience left on my blog.
i just want you to know that i don't hate him.
i forgave him.
so please, don't judge him.
give him a chance to move on with.
if you know him, you know he is not a bad person.
people make mistakes, and if we continue to give them a weird stare.
and being judgmental, how are they going to move on proper?
i'm not asking him to be pitied, that's the last thing i want.
but if you are reading my blog, it means you are my friend too.
and if you are my friend, please don't judge him.
cause i don't.
he did none of you wrong so please look at him as the nice, bubbly and caring guy.
he still is that guy.
one mistake doesn't change who you are.
it makes you stronger in the future.
but if we don't make it easier for him, who will?
one day, you and I, we all might make mistakes, and do you want other people to judge you too?
so please, I seek whoever is still reading my blog.
give him a chance to start over.
i love him, be it as a lover, or as a friend.
i don't want to hurt him.
so if you are my friends, don't hurt him too.
if you think you can't do that and you can't spare him your prejudiced eyes,
then you are not welcome here.
don't read my blog.
lastly, right now, i'm stuck again.
the last thing i want is to make things hard for him again.
but seeing him once, makes me want to see him more.
humans are greedy.
i shouldn't be.
but i can't help it.
the thought of not seeing him ever is like peeling my skin off.
i just can't do it.
i don't want to do it.
i don't see how i can ever move on.
i don't feel that giddy anymore.
my fever was mild when i saw him yesterday.
today its gone.
he drove it away.
now i don't feel like seeing him.
cause it means taking my things and never seeing him ever.
i want a reason to see him.
diarywhatshouldido?