Monday, March 04, 2013
Monday, March 04, 2013
Dear diary,
Why am I not excited to go home?
Going home means more terror and misery.
There is no one for me to account to.
Except for myself.
Cause nobody knows.
The burden and pain I went through.
Even my travel partner doesn't know.
How badly I want to hug any stranger on the road.
And hopefully, he hugs me back and tell me it's okay.
I know it won't come true.
I don't know what I want any more.
I used to be so sure.
After this incident, the road ahead looks blur.
I used to feel lost, but I least I have you with me.
I feel comforted somehow even though the future looks bleak.
Now, I don't even have you.
I just live my life like a living zombie.
Deep inside, I'm so empty.
I can't explain how I feel inside.
So much has happened.
I don't know who to tell.
Why can't I still have you?
Why did god take you away?
My life could have been better with you?
I don't know.
But now it's much worse.
What people see on the surface.
Is nothing like what it feels inside.
Seriously, everyday, I wished I didn't wake up.
Who can I rely on now?
Ifeelsomiserable.
Monday, March 04, 2013
Dear diary,
How can a human be so cruel?
Cruelty to your own kind.
Worse, cruelty to a new life.
A life someone didn't get to live.
Because the chance wasn't given.
For it to see the world.
Every night, I dream of your face.
A face I will never get to see.
Your small face I see.
Your sweet voice I hear.
Your heartbeat I feel.
All in my dreams.
A dream that will never ever come true.
Because I gave you up.
I didn't take good care of you.
I didn't love you enough.
I didn't pursue you because I was scared.
Hence, I suffer the guilt of losing you.
I suffer the misery of losing you.
I hear you cry.
Begging me not to leave you.
All in my dreams.
I never want to stop these dreams.
Even though it's torturous for me.
Because it's the only time I can see you.
It's the only time I can feel you.
It's the only time I can hold you in my arms.
It's the only time I feel human.
UoytsolIyrrosm'I